I went to see Moonlight today. I loved it. I cried heavily in the theater. I can relate to the i & ii parts the most, maybe cause I’m still starting on iii of my own life. I thought no one else out there ever experienced hating their mother or being mugged by their own mother for substance abuse money. Or questioning being queer at a young age. Using other people’s homes for sleep or safety. Sometimes not wanting to stay anywhere because you just didn’t want to talk about it. This movie is important. Historically important.
Which is why I choose jobs to work with kids in recreation instead of education. I believe I am meant for that more than educating children. I’m still there apart of the education world and I still get to support it. I respect those who choose to teach. However, I want the kids to be able to express and let go. I remember sometimes, school was a better place than home, but it wasn’t the best place. I remember the times between schools, filled up with me wearing headphones alone in my room, out for a walk, or dancing between classes dance academy. I know the freedom of recreation and moving my body helped my find serenity. It still does.
Yet, I find myself struggling to manage myself a “profession” in this society. Especially one that doesn’t give aid to going to school with a bit of an imperfect past. Which is why I work harder. I am well aware that it is 10x of a hardship for people of color. Which is why I will continue standing up to the theory of racism, racist acts and the rights for people of color as well as queer humans. The little infliction that I experienced taught me a lot. I have some privilege and I want to use it to help those in need. Sometimes I think I want to be involved in politics, or maybe help out by being a psychologist… why can’t I do both? Will I be able to do both? I am still uncertain about my future in this country. Which makes me uncertain for the future of those whom I love and have friendships with. I want to use my privilege to help, but I’m a bit lost in how.