When the news is grim it’s hard to accept. Learning that someone you love wants to give up, it hurts. My best friend’s grandma who has always been just as much of a grandma to me is letting go and refusing anymore treatment. All of her life she has been an extremely strong willed woman and independent which makes it difficult to understand how weak she feels. Worst of all she refuses to have anyone, but her daughter and her granddaughter see her in such state- she wants to be remembered differently. A lot of emotions ran through me when I heard that I could not visit her, that she wouldn’t want to see anyone else she loves. I know I have to respect her and I understand her request, but it’s still difficult to overcome that wish. I want to be selfish and see her so badly. It is a painful limbo that she is experiencing.
Something rare happened. I woke up at 6:45 AM awaited for the beloved nephew to arrive because I am the only one available now in the family to watch him at the ungodly hour. When I descended from the basement where my bedroom currently resides to begin the daily ritual of opening up the house I had noticed what peculiar weather we’re having for the month of August.
The wind was gusty, the clouds low bellied and grey; sweater weather. A cool 57 degrees lingered in the house which reduced the swelling of the wood window panes and doors from yesterdays humidity. An urge rose up inside of me when I begged the front closet door not to creak and I could hear the soft wind chimes from the front yard, I wanted to write. I looked at the sky a couple of more times out the big picture window, a book in hand and knew that today was the perfect day.
Tea brewing on the stove. Grandpa and nephew sharing blankets on the couch in the center of the small living space. Auntie vigorously typing away on her laptop at the table. This is how I wish most of my mornings would start. Here at the table is where I’ll appreciate this morning even more. Let the aspirations reign.